Everyone Has To Have A Hobby
by jane0904
Summary: A one-off from a prompt  see note at end, otherwise spoilers!  in my occasional Rayne series.  Set sort of post BDM, no OCs so anyone can read  although the rating is for a reason .  Pre-Rayne, with a cameo from another crewmember.  Read, enjoy, review!


"Hey, doc."

"What?"

"That ain't very polite."

"I'm busy, Jayne. What is it?"

"You don't look busy."

"I am."

"You're just writing."

"That's what I'm busy at."

"Only most folks I know don't write for fun."

"Really."

"Or write much at all."

"Fancy."

"Guess they've got other things on their mind."

"And what's on yours?"

"Huh?"

"On your mind, Jayne."

"Oh. Yeah. Your sis."

"Have you been annoying River again?"

"Me?"

"Don't try the innocent look, Jayne. It doesn't work."

"That hurts my feelings."

"You have feelings?"

"Yeah. Least sometimes."

"Dear Buddha, the leer is worse. Go back to the innocent. And what about River?"

"She's not ... more crazy than usual?"

"Not particularly. In fact the medication I have her on seems quite effective. Of course the results may not last, but there are some detrotriamine derivatives I can try combining with ... No, Jayne. My sister is not more crazy that usual."

"Oh. Shiny."

"Um, Jayne?"

"Yeah?"

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why are you asking."

"Nothing."

"Jayne."

"No reason."

"I could ask Mal to order you to tell me."

"There ain't nothing to tell. I'm only checking. Seeing as she went after me with a butcher's knife that time."

"Well, you got your own back, didn't you? You tried to sell us."

"Uh ..."

"So you're planning on cleaning your guns on the kitchen table again? Lovely."

"Yeah, that's probably it."

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Jayne –"

"Thanks, doc. You can get back to your pansy ass writing again."

"I'm not a ... Oh, go away."

Jayne took his advice and ambled out of the infirmary, heading back to his bunk.

For a moment Simon felt a vague sense of unease trickle down his spine, but he shook it off. Jayne was obviously going to do ... whatever it was he did for hours on end – and that was better out of sight _and_ out of mind – while River was taking a nap in her quarters. Nothing to worry about. Then he noticed a spelling mistake in his notes on Mal's latest bullet wound, and all thought of anything untoward vanished as he quickly corrected it, tutting quietly to himself.

Jayne popped the hatch to his bunk and climbed down the ladder.

She was waiting, still in the same position as she'd been when he left.

"Well?" River asked.

"He says you're no crazier'n normal. Which ain't saying much."

"I think it says a lot." She eased her crossed legs slightly.

"Anyways, I 'spect you were listening."

"I'm trying to be good."

"Can't say it's working." He moved further into the small room, slightly hampered by the shiny metal pole she'd somehow managed to install.

"You have a doctor's word," she pointed out, flexing her toes. "My brother's word."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't necessarily believe him that it was snowing 'less I was standin' in a blizzard."

She shook her head, her dark hair – shining and tangle-free for once – dancing around her naked shoulders. "I am not crazy. Not unless there's an 'R' in the month."

His forehead crinkled. "What's the date?"

She waved it away. "Anyway, I'm sure Simon would write it down for you if you asked nicely."

"See, I knew you was peekin'."

"_Trying_ to be good. I'm not saying I was totally successful." She stretched, and the thin strip of red gauze over her small breasts moved of its own accord. "If Jayne doesn't want to be my audience, I can go elsewhere."

He'd been staring. "Uh, no," he said, annoyed at himself for speaking too quickly. "'Less you do," he added, much more nonchalantly.

"I don't."

"Then ... no, I'll watch. Make sure you don't fall 'n' hurt yourself."

"I never fall." She got smoothly to her feet, adjusting the scarlet G-string around her narrow hips. "Sit down."

"'Kay." He took her place, somehow feeling the almost indecent heat from her body still in the rumpled sheet. She adjusted him minutely, making sure he was the optimum distance from the pole so he could get the full effect without being in danger of getting a foot – or any other portion of her anatomy – in his eye.

"You sure you know what you're doing?"

She took hold of the pole, wrapping her pale fingers delicately around it. "I watched it very carefully."

"You know your bro'd have a fit if he knew what you'd been doing."

"Not doing anything. Yet." She swung backwards and forwards.

"I mean watching porn on the Cortex."

"It wasn't porn. It was ... educational." She smiled, and someone altogether uncrazy gazed at him out of her eyes. "How else would I learn how to seduce you?"

"Only Mal's gonna space me if he finds out." He watched her movements, finding them almost hypnotic.

"We'd better not tell him, then." She lifted herself up with little apparent effort, until both feet were above her head, her thighs clasped around the pole. "And I have other things I'd like to try before that." One leg uncurled and pointed at him. "But that will come later."

"Uh ... moonbrain?"

"Yes, Jayne?"

"This don't mean nothing."

"You're right. It means ... everything." From her upside down position she licked her lips.

"_Cao_," Jayne whispered, and knew she was right.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.: <strong>This was for the prompt from GoddessofBirth 'River watches porn', and while it's probably not as explicit as she was hoping (although I _could_ possibly do a NC17 follow up ...) I hope she – and you – enjoyed it!


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